None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good,
but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-
no teddy bears, no hearts, no rainbows, no angels-

Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against
the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end.
"Why?" you may ask;
"because you are my friend".

Friendship is like peeing your pants:
everyone can see it,
but only you can feel the true warmth.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends,
then get depressed because you can only think
of 2